Confused.com

Confused.com

My first Christmas story this year is a bit different. It is a bit like the start of a pantomime. It’s based on ‘Christmas without the cliches.’ If you would like to download it in pdf form, please click on the link below, and for a limited time it is available on this page in its entirety, after which the first few lines will act as a teaser. Firstly, here’s the pdf:

Confused.com

Confused.com

Sarah: ‘Oi, beardy down there. Have you forgotten something? Very important. What’s the date?’

Peter: ‘Ummm, 24 December.’

S: ‘What’s tomorrow?’

P: ‘Ummm, is that a trick question?’

S:  ‘No.’

T: ‘Ummm, Easter Day.’

S: ‘No.’

T: ‘Oh dammit. I look stupid now don’t I?’

S: ‘Yes, you do. More to the point, the children want their goodies and if they don’t get them they will be very disappointed.’

T: ‘Ummm, ok?’

S: ‘And stop saying ummm. You sound like an old Grandad.’

T: ‘Ummm, that’s because I am.’

S: ‘No you’re not. You’re 40.’

T: ‘Yes, middle-aged. Now, where’s my outfit?’

S: ‘Ummm, you’ve got it on Gramps.’

T: ‘Oh, so I have!’

S: ‘But it’s the wrong colour.’

T: ‘Oh no it isn’t.’

S: ‘Oh yes it is.’

T: ‘Oh no it isn’t.’

S: ‘Oh yes it is.’

T: ‘What do you think this is? The Easter panto?  Now, if you don’t mind, I have to get some baskets from Wickes to put these in.’

S: ‘Ummm, you don’t get Easter baskets from Wickes! And, it’s friggin’ December!’

T: ‘Oh, is it? Kids love Easter eggs as well, because they are eggscelent!’

S: ‘Terrible pun. And you can’t get all around the world with Easter Eggs in one night! And kids don’t expect Easter Eggs in December!’

T: ‘Oh, well, that’s all I’ve got. Kids can either take the Easter Eggs and put up with them, or I strike, and, again, they won’t be happy with Easter Eggs in December!’

S: ‘In that case, let the strike commence!’